Lesson #16: Never Judge a Book by its Cover

My friend and I have been walking sporadically as of late.  The reason: pesky, irritating, breeding, biting mosquitoes.  They are everywhere at every time of the day!  We have attempted walking at different hours of the morning.  But no matter how hard we try to conduct ourselves in a normal manner... we can not help but begin flailing our arms about as we hike our legs high trying to deter the beasts that pursue us.  (This does not bode well for our reputations of being normal female adults to passerby's on the road.) 

Therefore, in an attempt to continue trying to live a healthy lifestyle, we chose to abandon post on the outside track and head to the comfort of the indoor retail superstore. 

I left the parking lot first and turned left.  My friend turned right (as my rear view mirror revealed to me.)  My heart began to pulsate in my chest as my competitive nature ached to come forth and reveal to my mind that I was taking the long way and she would arrive in the parking lot before me.  In an effort to ease my pain I acknowledged my defeat immediately and sent a text to my friend stating this fact.  Her reply sent no comfort, but ignited the flame.  She stated, "I'm gonna win!" 

My mind raced to all of the obstacles that laid ahead.  Numerous stoplights.  Cops patrolling the streets.  And the worst fate of all... grey-haired little old ladies out for an early morning cruise.

As fate would have it, I pulled up behind such a car.  There she sat behind the drivers seat barely able to see over the steering wheel.  White Lincoln Towncar without a speck of dirt on it.  No tint on the windows so she can catch every ray of sunshine while she is out.  Hair freshly curled and teased to create that perfectly hair-sprayed poof on top of her head. 

A silent Ahhhhhhhhhhh escaped my lips.  My shoulders slumped and I knew that the line of cars next to me would never let me by.  I was going to have to embrace second place.

As the seconds ticked down until the light would turn green I began to perceive this was no ordinary grandma.  She placed her finished cigarette in her ashtray and proceeded to lay both hands on the wheel.  Like a flash of lightning the light turned green and she 'flew out of the gate' as if the bell had just rung at the Kentucky Derby.  I was behind 'Lead-Foot Granny!' 

(With a bit of imagination you can see the ring of flowers around my neck as I took my victory lap at the superstore while my friend laughed hysterically at my competitive nature. )

Lesson #44: Alarms (are the devil)

I am NOT a morning person.  To accuse me of such is slander in the worst possible form.  I will rise early when occasion calls for it, but I prefer a late night and a late sunup.  I will confess, I seem to get more accomplished when I allow my eyelids to break formation and wedge open enough to allow sunlight to weave its way into my consciousness 'prematurely'. 

As of late, I have been setting an alarm to rip me from peaceful slumber and announce that I have made a commitment to my very dear friend to walk with her at the '---- crack' of dawn.  (I admit there are people who leap out of bed a lot earlier than me to do far more noble deeds.  I salute you.)  But this has caused me a dilemma. 

When I wake my first thought is..."Is she crazy?!  She wants me to do what?!  I am perfectly happy with my fifteen extra pounds and continually decreasing lack of muscle tone.  Do I really have to slither off my bed and into the bathroom to 'freshen' up to walk 3 miles?"  The answer is invariably yes!

Do not misunderstand me.  I love working out and striving for a healthier lifestyle.  I do not, however,
enjoy beeping, blurting, song-playing, gentle nudging or any other form of tactic used to pry me from my pillow.  I prefer sleep.

So my dilemma is this... Do I throw the cell phone at the wall or out the window?  Because as brave as I think I am, I do not dare attempt throwing my friend!