My friend and I have been walking sporadically as of late. The reason: pesky, irritating, breeding, biting mosquitoes. They are everywhere at every time of the day! We have attempted walking at different hours of the morning. But no matter how hard we try to conduct ourselves in a normal manner... we can not help but begin flailing our arms about as we hike our legs high trying to deter the beasts that pursue us. (This does not bode well for our reputations of being normal female adults to passerby's on the road.)
Therefore, in an attempt to continue trying to live a healthy lifestyle, we chose to abandon post on the outside track and head to the comfort of the indoor retail superstore.
I left the parking lot first and turned left. My friend turned right (as my rear view mirror revealed to me.) My heart began to pulsate in my chest as my competitive nature ached to come forth and reveal to my mind that I was taking the long way and she would arrive in the parking lot before me. In an effort to ease my pain I acknowledged my defeat immediately and sent a text to my friend stating this fact. Her reply sent no comfort, but ignited the flame. She stated, "I'm gonna win!"
My mind raced to all of the obstacles that laid ahead. Numerous stoplights. Cops patrolling the streets. And the worst fate of all... grey-haired little old ladies out for an early morning cruise.
As fate would have it, I pulled up behind such a car. There she sat behind the drivers seat barely able to see over the steering wheel. White Lincoln Towncar without a speck of dirt on it. No tint on the windows so she can catch every ray of sunshine while she is out. Hair freshly curled and teased to create that perfectly hair-sprayed poof on top of her head.
A silent Ahhhhhhhhhhh escaped my lips. My shoulders slumped and I knew that the line of cars next to me would never let me by. I was going to have to embrace second place.
As the seconds ticked down until the light would turn green I began to perceive this was no ordinary grandma. She placed her finished cigarette in her ashtray and proceeded to lay both hands on the wheel. Like a flash of lightning the light turned green and she 'flew out of the gate' as if the bell had just rung at the Kentucky Derby. I was behind 'Lead-Foot Granny!'
(With a bit of imagination you can see the ring of flowers around my neck as I took my victory lap at the superstore while my friend laughed hysterically at my competitive nature. )